Pain Is Love
by Enchanted Dreamer
Summary: This story takes place in ‘After Life’ Buffy can’t tell her friends about the pain they caused her by taking her from heaven and the only one she can turn to is Spike. She wants ‘to feel’ but what if the feelings grow into more than she can hand
1. Confessions Of a Slayer

~*Summary: This story takes place in 'After Life' Buffy can't tell her friends about the pain they caused her by taking her from heaven and the only one she can turn to is Spike. She wants 'to feel' but what if the feelings grow into more than she can handle?*~  
  
Chapter 1: Confessions of a Slayer  
  
"I was taken out of heaven.by my friends and they can never know."  
  
Spike faced her and in that one moment he hated the Scoobies more than he thought possible.  
  
He wanted Buffy back as much as they had but the question was at what costs? He would never have compromised her happiness and magic always had its consequences  
  
She looked over to him and there were two distinct emotions on her radiant face; confusion & despair.  
  
"Buffy" he whispered as though her name was the only thing with any meaning.  
  
She looked up at him and tears sprang from her eyes tainting her cheeks. He brushed her cheeks wit his finger tips and whispered comforting words to her when she did something he couldn't quite fathom.  
  
She arose and stepped into his arms, her hands on his leather clad shoulders and her face in his chest.  
  
He didn't waste the moment for fear it would be the only time her could hold her and he pet her hair and wrapped his arms around her tightly.  
  
"Spike.I can't feel anything. I'm alone."  
  
"Ssh, pet you'll never be alone. I'll always be here."  
  
Her crying ceased and she still clung to him.  
  
~*~*~*~ Willow opened the back door slightly and prepared to call for Buffy and when she saw her in Spike's arms.  
  
"Everything's all right, pet. Everything's all right."  
  
It was then that Willow wondered why Buffy had gone to Spike for comfort and not her, Xander, or the others. Spike, Buffy's enemy the thing they were supposed to hate.  
  
Buffy's arms wound onto Spike tighter as if he was her life line. "Spike.don't.don't leave me." she whispered. "No pet, I'll never leave you. Not again."  
  
Willow chose that moment to leave and anger followed her to the Magic Box.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy broke apart from Spike's gentle embrace and looked into his cerulean blue eyes which conveyed all of his emotions.  
  
"They can't know, Spike." She whispered as she stroked his cheekbones.  
  
His hands still had hold on her waist and he nodded. "I won't tell them about this although I don't think they'd really believe me."  
  
She shook her head solemnly.  
  
"I meant about where I was. You're the only thing that is keeping me from the brink of total insanity. I need you. You're the only one who understands."  
  
His face was in complete awe and his eyes twinkled in happiness. "I won't tell."  
  
She hugged him once more her arms wrapped around his neck as his shoulder supported her head. She bit her lip and clung to him.  
  
"I have to go back."  
  
He nodded and she walked back to the door.  
  
"Every night I save you." He said as she grabbed onto the door knob.  
  
"I know you do."  
  
Tbc........  
  
Author's Note: Hi this is Enchanted! ^_^ I just wanted to thank everyone for their reviews to my four previous stories regardless of the fact that they may not have liked them. I also wanted to let you know that I have in fact been thinking on a sequel to 'With All I am, I Love You' & 'I Never Planned on You' I will try to write them sometime after I move but for now here is my latest work. 


	2. Where'd You Go?

Summary: Buffy can't sleep at night because dreams of heaven and how it was taken from her haunt her. The only place she can find peace is at Spike's crypt. What happens when Willow finds out that Buffy has been sneaking off to Spike's at night?  
  
~*Chapter 2: Where'd You Go?*~  
  
Buffy lay in her bed. Her hair loose and whispers of 'no' left her lips.  
  
The scene replayed in her head over and over in the two hours she'd been in bed.  
  
~*~*~*~ The coffin was white on the inside. Her breath was coming in frantic gasps as the air supply was decreasing.  
  
She clawed at the coffin and dug through the dirt desperate to reach the surface.  
  
Roots and dirt fell around her and pieces of rock and hard material scraped at her arms and hands as though forcing her to stay in the dark.  
  
She was lost, her hair getting in her face and she made her way to the outside.  
  
She stood her hands bloody and her clothes covered with dirt and grime.  
  
The only thing on her mind was what had she done wrong? ~*~*~*~ She awoke terrified, wanting to scream. She pulled the blankets form her body and stood, patting herself down searching for the dirt and grime when she realized it was a dream, a memory.  
  
She went to the mirror and tears fell down her cheeks.  
  
She was dressed in her Yummy Sushi Pajamas and she searched for her slippers. She found the fluffy pink slippers and left her room as she ran to Spike's crypt taking a jacket with her.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Spike lay in bed with the blood red comforter over him, covering him from the waist down.  
  
He heard is name being whispered and opened on eye, lifting his head from the pillow.  
  
In his sight was Buffy in her pajamas before him.  
  
"Buffy, luv what's the matter?"  
  
"I can't sleep." She whispered. He nodded, grateful that he was wearing boxers for once.  
  
He moved to the side welcoming Buffy to join him and she lay beside him. He brought the comforter over her form and she sighed.  
  
"Are you ok, pet?"  
  
"Bad dreams"  
  
"Of what, ducks?"  
  
She turned and wrapped her arm around his waist, laying her head on his chest.  
  
He sighed knowing that if she wanted to tell him she would and just her being in his arms was enough.  
  
"Night Spike"  
  
"Night luv"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Three knocks on the white door which was the gateway to the slayer's room.  
  
"Buffy"  
  
Willow stepped into Buffy's room. She lifted the blankets in search of the petite blond slayer. She noticed that Buffy's slippers and jacket were gone. ~*~*~*~  
  
Willow was armed with a stake and holy water.  
  
She reached the crypt of the bleached vampire (! we know and love!)  
  
"Spike, Buffy's-"  
  
That was when she noticed the blond pair entangled in each other's arms and they didn't even sense the witch's presence.  
  
"Gone"  
  
Tbc.....  
  
Look for 'Chapter 3: This I Promise You' Buffy is outraged that Willow wants to take the only thing that makes her feel at peace and goes to Spike. He promises he'll do whatever he can to help Buffy to be happy. 


	3. This I Promise You

Summary: Buffy is outraged that Willow wants to take the only thing that makes her feel at peace and goes to Spike. He promises he'll do whatever he can to help Buffy to be happy.  
  
~*Chapter 3: This I Promise You*~  
  
Buffy steps into the kitchen and lets out a yawn. She walked back home from Spike's with the need for sleep still intact.  
  
"Hey Wills"  
  
Buffy walks to the opposite doorway and freezes. "Will?"  
  
"I saw you at Spike's."  
  
"How?" Buffy asks as she faces Willow by the counter.  
  
"You were missing so I went to see if he saw you."  
  
"I'm sorry Wills, I just-"  
  
"Why won't you let us in, Buffy? What was so bad that you have to turn to Spike?"  
  
"He's not that bad Wills."  
  
"See my Buffy would never say that."  
  
"You don't know what it was like to be where I was. You don't know the pain."  
  
Buffy was near tears and she looked pitifully at the floor.  
  
"We're your friends, Buff. You don't need to go to Spike. You've been different. You have to talk to us instead of creeping over to Spike's."  
  
Buffy immediately looked up. "No I will not let you take away the only thing that makes any sense to me."  
  
"Spike isn't good for you, Buffy."  
  
"I never said he was but he's the only one who understands me. The only one who doesn't expect anything of me."  
  
"Do you love him?"  
  
"What?! No Will, it's not like that. He's just..convenient."  
  
"Buffy I know you're not in a good place but you have priorities, you need to come back to us." Buffy walked away and went up to her room leaving Willow to herself.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Ello, pet"  
  
Spike walked up to Buffy and sat down on the couch. "Care to sit down, luv?"  
  
All that was heard from her in response was a sigh as she sat down and faced him.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"I don't know. I just feel like, like I'm spending all my time trying to be okay, so no one'll worry. It's exhausting, and then I get all ..."  
  
"And that just makes 'em worry even more. Want me to take 'em out? Give me a hell of a head ache but I could probably thin the herd a little."  
  
She smiles and without thinking places her head on his shoulder. "They want me to be happy. All smiles and laughs."  
  
"Well than I'll do anything to make you happy, if I can."  
  
"You already are."  
  
"That so?"  
  
"More than you know."  
  
"How's that?"  
  
"By being here."  
  
"I always will be. Whatever you need, I'm your vamp."  
  
Tbc..............  
  
Author's Note: Hey! Well I just wanted to thank CatRaven, Queen-of-Gondor, and MJ, artemis66, fashiongrrl, quitesirius, spikeslady, Dawn, CarterXOXO, lolagirl, Ivy, crazy4spike, spikeandangel4eva, beckie13, and Shan- suedluvsbitch for their positive feedback on my stories.  
  
Look out for Chapter 4: Temptation Spike is Buffy's true temptation and one night Buffy takes what she wants which is quite obviously Spike. 


	4. Temptation

~Spike is Buffy's true temptation and one night Buffy takes what she wants which is quite obviously Spike. ~  
  
~*Chapter 4: Temptation*~  
  
It had been two weeks since Willow told her she knew that Buffy had been sneaking out and she continued to do so every night. Some where along the line Spike's snide remarks and dumb accent became less annoying even attractive in a weird and twisted way.  
  
She constantly snuck away from her friends to be alone or with Spike. Nothing had happened when they were together. He reminded her that he loved her and would do whatever she asked and every night when she slept over she was tempted to do more than just sleep. She wanted it all and wasn't sure what would happen if she took what she wanted.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Spike, are you here?" Buffy called. She had dressed up just for Spike. She wore a tight red square-neck top with a short black skirt.  
  
"Coming luv, what do you-"  
  
Spike stared at her and was immediately breathless. "Buffy" he gasped. He had wanted her for so long and there she was looking as sexy as ever the thing was he wanted to know why she would come to visit him dressed for shagging not that he particularly minded her outfit.  
  
She could see by the way that he looked at her that if she wanted him she had to take him now.  
  
She crept towards him like a predator and kissed him savoring the taste of his lips on her own.  
  
Spike surrendered to her and took the opportunity while it lasted for fear it would the only time he would be given this moment.  
  
He felt her tongue break free from her own mouth and beg entrance into his own. Moans from the blond pair could be heard all throughout the room and the two found themselves on Spike's sarcophagus.  
  
"Spike" she gasped heatedly.  
  
"Are you sure, luv? If we start I don't know if I'll be able to let you go."  
  
She merely gasped and said three words. "I want you."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The two were covered with red thin blanket and moans could be heard from the two.  
  
"Spike"  
  
"Buffy, I love you."  
  
Though she didn't respond to his words with nothing but a searing kiss, he could see it in her eyes and surrendered himself to her.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Spike and Buffy had managed to get to the bed and they lay beside one another clinging to each other as though the other was their very life line and they fell into a peaceful sleep.  
  
Tbc......  
  
Author's Note: Enchanted here! ^_^ Again much love to artemis66, Mita427, Shan-suedluvsbitch and UltraWoman.  
  
Look out for //Chapter 5: Is it Love?//  
  
Buffy wakes up with Spike next to her and relives the memories of her actions, the previous night. She wonders if she's in love with Spike and deciding that can't be she leaves him to wake up alone. 


	5. Is It Love?

~*Summary: Buffy wakes up with Spike next to her and relives the memories of her actions, the previous night. She wonders if she's in love with Spike and deciding that can't be she leaves him to wake up alone. *~  
  
~*Chapter 5: Is It Love?*~  
  
"Mm"  
  
Buffy sat up on the bed and stared around the room. "Where the hell am I?" she whispered. That was when she spotted the gorgeous vamp beside her. She tightly placed the blood red blanket across her chest.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
[Memory]  
  
"Spike" Buffy moaned.  
  
"Slayer"  
  
"Spike"  
  
"I love you."  
  
She placed a fierce kiss on the vampire's lips and tasted his mouth. She left his lips and stared into his eyes as he continued his movements.  
  
"Oh God" she screamed.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
[Buffy's Thoughts]  
  
Why would I? ...Do I love him.Spike? No! No! I can't he's...I can't. He's everything I'm supposed to hate. Everything I stand against.  
  
So what I stand against love? What sense does that make?  
  
I can't. I just can't love him. No matter what he's done for me. He's wrong. I'm wrong.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy sends one last glance to her one-time-lover and notices his arm wrapped protectively around her waist.  
  
She carefully moves his arm and he grunts with disapproval.  
  
She searches the floor for her garments and sends one last glance in Spike's direction before changing and leaving. ~*~*~*~  
  
"Slayer, Slayer, open the door, Buffy!"  
  
Willow answered the door looking as calmly as possible after what Buffy had told her happened.  
  
"Spike, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Out of the way, Red. Need to have a few words with the Slayer."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey you didn't knock first protested Buffy as she remained looking at her magazine.  
  
"We need to have a little chat, Slayer."  
  
She looked up and saw the anger etched on his face. He was torn apart and clearly not n a state to be messed with.  
  
"Spike"  
  
"That's right, Spike. You know the vamp you shagged senseless three nights ago?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about that now."  
  
"Well I bloody well do. How do you think it feels Buffy? I looked for you and called your house and no one answered. You didn't get the bloody messages? You didn't even go out to patrol. I didn't want to come over here yelling the way I am to you so your friends could hear but you gave me no choice. How do you think it feels? Being left alone and treated like a one- night harlot?"  
  
"It meant nothing, Spike."  
  
"Oh it meant nothing? That's why you come over my crypt every night to sleep? That why you suddenly began to confide in me? That why you let me tell you I love you and for once you didn't kick me in the ass about it?"  
  
"Just let go, Spike. It was good but it was only a one time thing it meant nothing."  
  
"Who made you believe that? Did Xander or one of the Scoobs tell you that?"  
  
"Just let me go!"  
  
"I can't! I love you."  
  
"No you don't."  
  
"You think I haven't tried not too? You think I just welcomed these feelings with open arms? Let me tell you something. You welcomed me with more than open arms and that skimpy little outfit."  
  
"Spike, please just go."  
  
"No I admit it. You've had me by the shorthairs. I love you, you know it. But I know that you felt something last night. I just don't know you convinced you otherwise."  
  
Without thinking Buffy did what she always did when she was upset. She hurt those who loved her most and kicked ass.  
  
She let her fist fly into Spike's face and he sent her a sad look.  
  
"Fine you won't admit it but I know you love me. So I'll just go."  
  
He slammed the door shut and left Buffy standing there as a tear rolled down her cheek.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Note: Well I personally just wanted send a big congratulations to WilliamsGirl on the conclusion of her story 'As You Wish' and to Zarrah for no real reason in particular. But enough with me and my thoughts, here's what's next!  
  
Next on 'Pain is Love' //Chapter 6: Lost Little Girl//  
  
Buffy can't tell what's real. All she knows is that Spike is the only one who doesn't ask anything of her. But in all this chaos a demon comes to town and it seems to want Spike out of the picture. 


	6. Lost Little Girl

Summary: Buffy can't tell what's real. All she knows is that Spike is the only one who doesn't ask anything of her. But in all this chaos a demon comes to town and it seems to want Spike out of the picture.  
  
~*Chapter 6: Lost Little Girl*~  
  
"What have I done?" Buffy whispered under her breath.  
  
She stood there looking at the door from which Spike left and as much as she wanted to run like hell and tell him she did care...she couldn't. She didn't even know if she cared.  
  
[Buffy Thoughts]Spike just left because of me. How can I tell him I care without him reading into it? I just can't love him. He's everything I was taught is wrong on this earth..but he's the only I've got going for me. He's the one I go to when I'm scared. I don't go to my friends. Whenever something goes wrong it's to him I turn. The thing is do I love him? Do I really love him; William the Bloody?  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Bloody Slayer, she thinks that I'm wrapped around her little finger. I'm the Big Bad. I'm the slayer of slayers. But her.no-I thought she was different. No- no she's just like Dru. Bloody Women! Aren't happy unless they're screwing someone over." Spike hollered drunkenly through the cemetery catching very well any undead's attention.  
  
His fingers wrapped tightly around the glass vodka bottle till it shattered, the bloody streaming all over his hands and he laughed at the pain.  
  
"You were right, you bloody chit. This is hell! Oh poor lost little girl, she is. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love. All you have to do is love me back! "  
  
He walked clumsily to a tree trunk and threw himself down to the ground. He sat upright after sometime and had his hands on his knees with the back of his head against the trunk.  
  
He looked at his hand and images of when he saw Buffy's bloody hands covered with injuries from clawing her way out of her soddin' grave. Tears sprang from his eyes and he shook his head.  
  
"Useless buckets of salt. Did you make me weak? Spilling useless buckets of salt over your ending. It's your entire fault. Dru, you shouldn't have left me! None of this would've happened if you just shut your bloody gob."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
[Buffy Thoughts] He's in my heart. That's all that matters now. I guess I'll go find him.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy went to her closet and got out a brown leather coat and put it over her white turtle neck and she raced down the stairs.  
  
It took about two hours to reach the cemetery after intrusions from various vamps and her friends.  
  
She heard the many yells of Spike and felt pangs of guilt over flow her other various emotions.  
  
She couldn't help but feel confused. She knew what she felt for Spike couldn't possibly be love. He didn't even have a soul but despite that he did things that proved he carried emotions other than hate and anger.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A dark shadow approached the cemetery, twelve feet from where Spike sat mumbling sorrow filled words.  
  
It punched its fists together and flames burst from the purple skin of its hands.  
  
Horns stood from the top of its head and aside from the flames there's were large talons on the demon's hands and feet.  
  
It strode towards Spike and in Spike's current state he couldn't make out the large dark form walking towards him.  
  
A large flame enforced hand made contact with Spike's face leaving burns across his cheek when the world went black.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Tbc.....  
  
~*Next on 'Pain is Love'*~  
  
//Chapter 7: Dangerously In Love//  
  
When Buffy comes to the point where Spike's life is in danger Buffy realizes that even though what's between her and Spike is not perfect it is indeed love. 


	7. Dangerously In Love

Summary: When Buffy comes to the point where Spike's life is in danger she realizes that even though what's between her and Spike isn't perfect it is indeed love.  
  
~*Chapter 7: Dangerously In Love*~  
  
"Spike" his name fell from her lips just as she saw Spike lying on the ground as a huge demon towered over him.  
  
She ran to him as fast her legs would carry her but when Spike was finally in reach both the demon and her 'boyfriend' were gone.  
  
She shook her head furiously and muttered the word 'no' repeatedly.  
  
After five minutes of muttering she looked up towards the sky and knew one thing. She had to get him back.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Willow, guys!"  
  
Buffy ran into the Magic Shop and slammed the door shut.  
  
Xander and Willow came out of the training room as Buffy walked or rather ran in.  
  
"I need your help."  
  
"Well Buff just say the word."  
  
"Spike's gone."  
  
"Wait you want us.to help Spike? Well why would we do that? It's not like any of us really like the guy."  
  
By that time Dawn, Tara, and Anya came out from various areas of the shop.  
  
"I like Spike!" Dawn piped up staring at Xander.  
  
"Ok so one of us here like's Spike but does his non-soul having existence really matter to us?" he asked with a few waves of his hands.  
  
Buffy searched for words. She was terrified of the way they would look at her when she told them he mattered to her. But regardless of her fear she had to get Spike back. She would never get to yell at him again or tell him that she was actually sorry.  
  
Moments of silence passed as the group stared awkwardly towards one another.  
  
"He matters to me."  
  
"Buff do you have any idea who you're talking about? This is Spike the guy that you so fondly call an 'evil soulless thing'." Xander replied surprised by his friend's words.  
  
"I know who I'm talking about."  
  
"Please like in all this time that you've been avoiding us you've been making friends with that thing?  
  
Buffy looked at the ground shamefully.  
  
The looked etched on Xander's face was one she would never forget 'disgust'.  
  
"Buffy you have us, you're not alone. So why in hell would you feel the need to hang around for more than five seconds with him?"  
  
"I am alone, ok! The slayer is always alone! The mission is what matters not flowers or shopping trips. I am alone. I'm so alone that my own friends haven't even seen what's been happening in front of their very eyes. Do you think you had any right to take me from where I was?"  
  
"Buffy you were s-suffering torment." Tara stuttered.  
  
"Buff you were in hell why would you want to stay there?"  
  
"I was in heaven and you took me away. I was done. I was happy. You don't know what it's like to be wondering this whole time what I did that was so wrong to be taken from there!" tears were streaming down her face and she fell to her knees.  
  
"The only thing I have going for me is him. He's the only one who- - he loves me and you don't even care that he is with some horrible demon being tortured this minute. And I only realized today that I care. So if you won't help me than I'll go but don't expect me to turn away from him because he's given me too many chances to run back to him and this may be.the very last one."  
  
She ran out of the shop and went everywhere she could for any information possible. The adrenaline served its purpose and she rushed to the location of the demon trouble was he was in another realm.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!Aaaarrgghhh!!!"  
  
The demon was beating Spike with anything imaginable.  
  
He had no idea where he was but there was cold and barren land everywhere.  
  
At some point in this endless time the demon had taken him to an oasis and continued to dunk his head and drown him repeatedly.  
  
"Don't worry it won't kill you. I want to make this last as long as possible. When the slayer comes looking for you and finally realizes the state you're in I'll have enough time to kill her."  
  
As he was gasping for his unneeded air and couching up water he spoke. "Hate to..break it to...you mate but...I'm nothing to the.slayer but a punching bag."  
  
"That's not true, point of fact she's looking for you right now."  
  
"If that's true, if she will come for me don't expect her to have any mercy or you whatsoever."  
  
"She will when she knows I have your life in my hands."  
  
"She'll come and kick your jacked up ass to hell."  
  
With his words the demon knocked him out one last time before tying him up to a wall.  
  
"She'll come for you."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Ekiyoray Akira Manut  
Ekiyoray Teneza  
Haruka Hakira Hikari  
Ekiyoray Akira Manut  
Ekiyoray Teneza  
Fiori"  
  
Willow repeated the chant and from her place in the circle of the red and white candles formed in the shape of two circles joined.  
  
A fiery red portal appeared across the room and she looked at Buffy. "Go get him, Buff."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
She leapt through the portal gateway and landed in a hell dimension.  
  
She left her one weapon a sword down on the floor and looked around.  
  
In the far corner there was SPIKE!! He was chained to a wall, all bloody and bruised.  
  
"Spike!!!" she yelled.  
  
She ran to him and knelt by his side.  
  
"Spike what happened? Are you, ok?"  
  
He coughed and muttered something barely understandable.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're.you're not Buffy. I told you she wouldn't come. She won't come.for me."  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Spike it's me."  
  
He cracked open and eyes and looked with complete wonder.  
  
"Slayer?"  
  
"I will ALWAYS come for you."  
  
She pulled at his chains till they broke and she stroked his face.  
  
"I love you."  
  
She said those three words with more passion and truth than anything she had ever said or felt before.  
  
The demon came out of no where and swung the slayer across the land.  
  
"Such a sentimental Kodak moment. I think I'll kill you now."  
  
He clawed at Buffy's shirt and three cuts flowed with blood on her lower abdomen.  
  
Numerous punches and kicks passed between the two and Buffy was injured the most. Blood clung to her top and she bore a scar on her left cheek. She had managed to kick the demo to the floor and she looked for her lost weapon.  
  
She grabbed the sword without any one noticing and slashed it through his heart.  
  
"That actually took a lot less time than I thought." She whispered.  
  
She raced back to Spike and beckoned him to open his eyes.  
  
"Spike, Spike, open your eyes." She pleaded.  
  
Moments of pleading passed as she cradled him to her.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
Tbc.........  
  
A/N: ^_^ Hey Enchanted here! I just wanted to once again thank all the reviewers for their support.  
  
Sorry no sneak peeks for this one. 


	8. Most Girls

~*Chapter 8: Most Girls*~  
  
"You know Buffy, I don't think he's right for you. I mean the allergy to the sun, the hair, the whole set of bumpies." Xander elaborated while motioning his hand around his own face.  
  
Buffy sighed and sat on her couch. Grumbling under her breath at how little her friends knew Spike. How little SHE knew about Spike.  
  
"Buffy, I know you're in a confusing time but don't let Spike's feeling for you confuse you about-"  
  
"Willow what about, my feelings for him? I know what I feel Will. I-I- - he's up there in my room and he's waiting for me."  
  
"He's a vampire, Buffy. He's not like most guys." Xander answered as he blocked her way to the wooden staircase.  
  
She waved her arms in the air and spoke.  
  
"He's not like most guys? He's not like most guys? I'm the slayer! My sister used to open some evil dimension. My best friend's a witch and my other friend is dating an ex- demon. I don't think I'm like most girls."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Mmmm Buffy"  
  
"I'm here."  
  
He cracked open his eyes and saw her sitting across from him on her bed. She looked beautiful as always but sadness plagued her eyes.  
  
"What's the matter, luv?"  
  
Her fingers tightened around his and it was then he noticed she held his hand in her own.  
  
"I'm fine." She said as though to prove it to herself and not him.  
  
"No you aren't, pet."  
  
"I'll be fine."  
  
"Did Xander tell you something?"  
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
"The whelp always has a way of messing with people."  
  
She smiled down at him and noticed that he was healed mostly with only a still fading scar on his arm.  
  
She laid beside him on the bed and carefully placed her arm around his waist.  
  
"How long have I been asleep?"  
  
"About two days."  
  
"Great"  
  
He absent mindedly pat her arm with his hand and sighed contently.  
  
His memory of her declaring her love for him at once came to mind.  
  
He noticed him deep in thought and called him back to her. "Spike, are you alright?"  
  
He nodded. "Fine, pet"  
  
She got as close to him as possible and breathed in his scent.  
  
He recalled memories of her and was overwhelmed with the need to ask a particular question.  
  
"What do you want, Buffy?"  
  
Tbc............  
  
A/N: Sorry for taking a while to write this chapter but I had to write it when the thought came to mind. I'll try to submit the next chapter in at least less than a week. Thanks for reviews. Much love, ~*Enchanted*~. 


	9. The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

**_Chapter Nine: The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants_**

* * *

/What do I want? This whole time I've been here even though I was with Spike I hid it. I mean I didn't-haven't exactly said I hate his presence lately but I haven't really mentioned it 'til now./

"You don't have to decide now pet. It's..........alright I guess. You-you can think it over, what you want." His hypnotizing voice brought the slayer back to reality. "Wha-hm?"

He looked at her confused face and wanted to smirk but felt that at chance maybe he shouldn't. "You weren't really here with me just now were you luv?"

Buffy shook her head and smiled. She reached out and stroked his hand with her thumb. A rush of feeling t through her, much like all the other times they seemed the have any form of physical contact. "I'm with you right now." She smiled. Spike could've jumped at the joyful feeling, but instead he smiled and took her little hand in his. The platinum blonde nodded, "You're right with me."

"Where I belong."

Spike looked up at her with confusion marring his face and his azure orbs danced with question. Buffy placed her opposite hand under her love's chin and drew his handsome face to her own, taking his lips with hers. After tender moments of blissful lip-lock Buffy left his mouth and whispered to the healing vampire, "Someone once said that the heart wants what the heart wants. Well, my heart wants you, Spike. My-my....heart needs _YOU_, Spike. Please don't let my stupid ass decisions-"

Spike drew his finger to her lips. "You had me the exact second I first saw you luv. No need to think you don't already hold my heart in your hand."

He forced his lips to hers and his hands wandered about her flesh. She felt his fingers trace the neck line of her shirt. "I don't think we- you're- you've been thrown back and forth I don't want you to think that I want this and not you."

He cocked his head to the side and smirked. "Don't you want this?"

Buffy gasped as his hands traced the tops of her jeans and undid the first button. She nodded, "I do- but I want you more than anything."

Spike pulled her closer so that she straddled him. "You have me luv. You'll _have_ me very soon."

Buffy smirked. "You're a persistent one aren't you lover."

"What can I say love, the heart wants what the heart wants." He smirked.

* * *

[New Scene: Buffy's Living Room, Characters: Xander Willow, & Anya]  
  
"What in the hell was that?!"  
  
Willow looked at her brunette best friend with a lost look in her eyes. "I don't know Xand."  
  
"Did she just brush us off for Captain Peroxide?"  
  
"Is that really the issue?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The brush off, or is the problem Spike?"  
  
"It's natural, after all the foreplay they've been doing wasn't enough. They're probably enjoying many orgasms right now."  
  
"**Ahn**!"  
  
"**Anya**!"  
  
"Yup many blissful, earth shattering orgasms." The blunt ex-demoness nodded, not minding the horrified looks from the two.

* * *

A/N: Enchanted here! Sorry for the total lack of updates. I'll try to update soon, no promises. But here's hoping! Any reviews would be very appreciated and if there's anything you'd like to see happen or you have any thought feel free to email: mexireyna24yahoo.com 


	10. I Changed My Name

**_Chapter Ten: I Changed My Name_**

* * *

After their physical intimacy Spike watched as his golden angel fell into a much needed slumber.  
  
It was about nine or so and somebody would need to go and do some patrol, regardless of his state of being he decided he would go in a few minutes or so.  
  
As the bleach-blonde walked down the familiar steps of the Summer's household he noticed the unhappy presence of the brunette, Xander sitting on the beige couch in the living room.  
  
"Spike" his name was said with disdain and confusion.  
  
"Whelp" the vampire nodded to the young man.  
  
"Buffy's upstairs?"  
  
"Yeah, she...uh a bit knackered."  
  
"I'm not caught up in your performance you know."  
  
"What performance?"  
  
"Don't be a fool, Spike. Just because you're playing the role of a good guy doesn't make you one. You're still a killer. You've never once thought about all the people you've killed and felt a pigment of remorse."  
  
"I'm not that man anymore."  
  
"No, you haven't killed anyone... of late. You still have it inside you and it doesn't bother you in the least that you can kill a little kid and not think a thing about it once you've finished, if you're really going to be with Buffy than you can't be pretending you've changed. You have to do it. Either way, I'm going to keep an eye on you."  
  
Then Xander left, wanting to slam the door but left the impulse alone due to his friend's slumber.

* * *

Spike had left the house about a half hour after Xander had gone and left a note next to the Slayer's sleeping form, telling her where he'd gone.  
  
Surprisingly enough the whelp had some rather reasonable points.  
  
The platinum blonde didn't care about the many he'd killed. Many of them had husbands, wives, and children. It hadn't mattered. All that mattered was the hunt.  
  
So maybe it was time he'd given up being the Big Bad, Slayer of Slayers. Maybe it was time he became Spike.  
  
He'd gone back to her and found her the way she was when he'd left. She was asleep still on the bed, curled up into a ball; his golden ball of sunshine.  
  
He took her into her arms as Buffy continued sleeping and inhaled the scent of her blond and light brown tresses, vanilla. Spike looked at her and smiled to himself. She looked nothing like the slayer he saw in combat. She was just a girl, one who'd seen more than one ever should.  
  
Buffy snuggled into his embrace and inhaled deeply, her breath tickling his skin.  
  
Oh yeah this was worth more than an eternity.  
  
Spike was no longer_ Spike: The Slayer of Slayers_, now he was just _Spike, a vampire in love with the slayer.  
_  
**He liked that name much better.**

* * *

A/N: Enchanted once again! Thanks to roswell4ever1 for the review! Reviews are very welcomed.


	11. Simplicity

**_Chapter Eleven: Simplicity_**

* * *

The Slayer woke up slowly, her eye lids fluttering as she attempted to will herself back into slumber. It was much more wonderful sleeping in Spike's arm than being up and about with her friends, friends who had only day or so ago not even known her.  
  
The blonde/brunette girl turned on her side to see her lover face to face. The blinds were closed and the curtains as well. She'd figured the vampire had taken into consideration the harmful sun and done the necessary.  
  
He was so beautiful. You would have no idea that he'd been turned down time and time again by women. Idiots, they were. Then, Buffy had been one of them up until recently.  
  
A tiny yet powerful hand trailed down the side of the platinum blonde's face, tracing his defined cheekbones. Small unnecessary breaths touched her hand.  
  
/Hmm, he even breathes in his sleep./  
  
A smile spread across her face as Spike's own lids fluttered as he woke.  
  
"Good morning William."  
  
Spike stretched his arms, finally setting one under his head and the other on her hip.  
  
"Morning luv" he yawned.  
  
"You feel like getting out of this bed and walking around?"  
  
Spike snuggled his face into her neck and his breath tickled her throat.  
  
He shook his head, "But we can have so much fun right...." kiss," here."  
  
Buffy kissed his lips and shook her head.  
  
"We should go and check on Dawn."  
  
"The nib' is a big girl, just like her sister. She can handle herself for a couple of hours."  
  
The Slayer looked up at him sweetly.  
  
"If you get up right now we can go in the bathroom.........and have some shower fun."  
  
A low grow emitted from his throat causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up and a shiver coursed through her body.  
  
"Is that a yes?"  
  
At that the platinum vamp carried the frail lady into his arms and made his way to the bathroom, holding her to her word.

* * *

[Cemetery: Spike & Buffy]  
  
Punches and kicks had been thrown back and forth between Spike and a newbie vampire for the last half hour. There hadn't been any action the entire patrol so the bleach blonde took the opportunity the moment it presented itself.  
  
"Are you going to be done any time soon Spikey?" Buffy called from her place sitting atop a headstone.  
  
The newbie landed a punch at Spike's cheek and Spike grunted before throwing himself at said newbie.  
  
"Be right there in a bit luv!" he yelled back to her.  
  
One good kick to the left ribs and a stake through the heart and the vamp was gone, ashes in the air.  
  
He jogged his way to his lady love and Buffy got on her feet before him.  
  
They started to walk and their hands instinctively found one another.  
  
It was a long and silent stroll. Nothing was to be heard for the entire time.  
  
A million thoughts ran through Buffy's mind. She wondered about Spike and Drusilla, the chip, her friends, and more importantly how long the two blonde's could last.  
  
She felt Spike squeeze her hand, her eyes left the ground and met his.  
  
"Everything alright up there?" he motioned towards her head.  
  
Buffy nodded and laced their fingers.  
  
"There are just a lot of the things going on."  
  
"In your head right, 'cause I've got to say this is a rather lack luster evening."  
  
He gave her another look before as usual, tilting his head.  
  
"Would you tell me what's going on up in that cute little head of yours without having me and you play twenty questions?"  
  
"You...........you and me."  
  
"What about you and me, luv?"  
  
Buffy sighed and kicked a rock out of her path.  
  
"It's just...you and Dru, the chip, Xander and them, everything."  
  
Spike stopped with Buffy following suit.  
  
"Dru and I are over pet. We've been done with for a little over a year and the whole thing where she came back, that was nothing. I wouldn't have actually let her kill. I slapped her once I saw she'd been hurting you."  
  
"I know but-"  
  
"But what, don't you trust me?"  
  
"It's just how can I compare to her Spike? You loved her for a century, you never left her side. You were head over heels for her."  
  
"I'd do the exact same for you Buffy. More so in fact, as for the century thing, Buffy I've loved you before I ever knew there was you. I only loved her because for the first time there was someone who wanted me and knew what I wanted, to feel wanted. But we're different Buffy we'll last."  
  
"How can you know that?"  
  
Spike smirked and tilted his head while raising a hand and lacing it through her hair.  
  
"Because I'm too stubborn an ass to let you leave me."  
  
Buffy giggled wrapped her arms around his waist.  
  
"Promise?"  
  
Spike nodded into the crook of her neck.  
  
"I'll love you forever. That's a promise luv."  
  
The pair stood together, wrapped in one another's arms getting lost in the simplicity of the powerful emotions that had taken over them.  
  
TBC.............................

* * *

A/N: Hey, aren't you glad I got around to writing another chappy? Sorry for the delay but writer's block overtook me. Such a fowl plague it is! smile Any way I also thought I'd inform you readers about my LiveJournal. You can go to my author page or whatever it's called and go to my homepage (m LJ). I'll also be posting chapter there as well but I might get around to posting there before posting at But please check it out and leave a comment if you will, something nice.....maybe? 


	12. I'm in Love

Chapter Twelve: I'm in Love

* * *

_**I cannot help it**_

_**I couldn't stop it if I tried**_

_**The same old heart fills the emptiness I have inside**_

_**And I've heard that you can't fight love so I won't complain**_

'_**Cause why would I stop the fire that keeps me going on?**_

'_**Cause when there's you I feel whole**_

_**And there's no better feeling in the world**_

_**But without you I'm alone**_

_**And I'd rather be in love with you**_

_**Turn out the lights now **_

_**To see is to believe**_

_**I just want you near me**_

**_I just want you here with me_**

_**And I'd give up everything only for you**_

_**It's the least that I could do**_

"Spike?" his name left her lips, whispered like a gentle prayer.

The slayer's hands stroking his back as he made love to her in the night. Spike's name spilled from her mouth like a waterfall.

The platinum blonde's body forcing Buffy's into the mattress.

He'd done his best to rid her of her worries about whether or not they would last, and he'd hoped he'd convinced her. Spike wanted her to know that no matter what would happen he cou-wouldn't let her go.

There bodies exhausted, lay next to one another's, still seeking out the comfort of their partner.

"Spike?"

"Hmm" his hand found hers and their finger's intertwined, providing a wonderful feeling through such a simple touch.

"I love you." her words sad and scared; for what reason he couldn't fathom.

He turned to face her, one hand grazing her cheek.

"Buffy, I love you there's nothing you need to worry about I'll take care of you......forever."

She smiled and kissed him, having faith in his words; in him.

* * *

Willow had come by with Xander in toe, slightly fearful that Buffy might reject them.

The slayer answered the door wearing a white t-shirt, jeans, and smile her on face, as she greeted the two.

The anxiety diminished as she invited them in.

"So," Willow spoke cautiously "where's Spike?"

"Oh, he's upstairs. He's a little tired from patrolling last night. This vamp was getting on my nerves and I hit Spike instead by accident of course." She smiled at the memory "It was funny but not for him obviously."

Xander faintly smiled at the thought of the disgruntled bleached blonde as Buffy's giggled in return to the said vampire's scowl.

"So what's up?" the petite blonde sat on the loveseat across from Wil.

"Buffy we really wanted to apologize to for being judgmental and acting all superior. I don't want to be Miss 'Snooty-Know-it-all,' you know? I mean I should never have said anything about your relationship with Spike whne I saw you at his crypt anyway. I mean you're going through a touch time-"

"Willow, catch your breath, its ok. I forgive you...both of you."

The red-head looked across to Buffy with a small and hopeful smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Spike told me that it would all be ok, so I'm making it 'ok' right now. I need to come back, be responsible and take care of Dawn. I know Spike'll help me but I need for us to be ok first."

"We'll always be cool with the Buffster, won't we Wils?" the brunette spoke up.

The wiccan nodded enthusiastically.

After hours of talking the group ended up on the floor with a mess of junk food spread around them.

"Hey Buff are you sure it's cool that we've been making so much noise I mean.........uh isn't Spike upstairs?"

She waved her hands in the air.

"It's ok, Spike'll be asleep for at least three more hours."

"So has he been here the whole time?"

The slayer stopped right before fully unwrapping the gum.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean has he uh been living here since he came back?"

The slayer nodded before having her gum. "He's going to stay here. I've been thinking, though, do you remember how I said that we'd never have 'nice normal relationships'?"

The other two nodded.

"I've thinking maybe we can."

"And what brought this positive outlook along Buff?"

Buffy looked to the brunette and red-head.

"You guys, I'm in love."

* * *

'_**Cause when there's you**_

_**I feel whole**_

_**And there's no better feeling the world**_

_**But without you I'm alone**_

_**And I'd rather be in love with you.**_


	13. Her Life Began

_**Title: Pain is Love**_

**_Chapter Thirteen: Her Life Began

* * *

_**

In the past three months since Spike and Buffy had been together things had never been easy and that it not to say that they were extremely difficult either. Their romance realistic they'd never promised more than they could and stayed together through the tragedies such as the gentle wiccan, Tara's forlorn death and the frightful time that was Willow's state of mourning.

The pair sat on the old couch in the Summers' living room, the television on and in the DVD player was Stepford Wives.

Dawn sat beside her currently honey-blond sister who in turn sat with her always silver haired creature of the night boyfriend.

Spike had taken the teen to the video store the day before and she'd practically taken every movie that was available. Among the movie about that estranged happening in a suburb in Conneticut was Dogma, Shrek 2, and The Man in the Iron Mask.

He'd reluctantly decided to watch the films which would obviously spark no interest in him because of the large adorable pairs of eyes the looked at him when he tried to leave, eyes that could stop an army if need be.

"Would you change me if you could? Make me your ideal?" the slayer questioned, entranced in the movie but not enough so she couldn't speak.

"I'd be damned if you weren't my ideal the way you are."

Finding that a sufficient answer she kissed him on the cheek and ran a hand through her sister's dark locks before sighing contently, this was the wonderful part of simplicity she craved.

* * *

"Spike, do you think we'll be together forever?" Buffy asked, her tiny hand wound in his as they made their way through the lonely cemetery, their love the only light in the gloomy gray of the night. 

The vampire looked to her with true sincerity in his eyes and a smile that would warm her heart throughout all of her life, however long it would be.

"I hope so, love. But I don't know."

Words that were honest and thoughtful with the underlying supplication to whoever would grant them such a wonderful life together, they made her hope that the only parting the two would have would be in death, together.

The promises of forever hung in the air like romantic words from a poet's pen, they were slow sweet touches that would never be left forgotten in any world this land turned out to be.

If anything it was enough, this love; this eternal prayer it was everything that it could ever be and more.

"So we going home, pet?"

The slayer nodded towards her lover and sighed as she laid her head against his shoulder, "Do you think we should take Dawn to the Double Meat Palace for dinner?"

The platinum haired man let out a laugh at his girl's suggestion, "Like hell we'll ever eat their again after the whole crazy ol' bint situation(::8::), it's bloody damned unlikely we'll ever eat there again."

"What? It was just a thought." She pouted.

"We'll get the 'bit a pizza, nothing bad has ever happened to us a there."

"Fine, but don't be mad at me if she says she'd rather have the Fisherman's sandwich." She snapped playfully.

He wrapped his arm around her waist as the set of towards Waldo Cooney's, "Trust me luv, she'd most rather have a bloody piece of pizza."

"_She looked at him as one who awakes. The past was sleep and her life began." – Robert Browning.

* * *

_

_**The End

* * *

**_

_A/N: The note after the "crazy ol' bint situation" refers to something that happened in Buffy Season Six when the slayer was working at the Double Meat Palace. _

_I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while, I've been working on a story for the Anime "Inu-yasha," it's no excuse mind you but I got stuck on "Pain is Love," so I just decided to rap it up. As for future Buffy stories there is one in the making but I'm not sure if it will be posted. It isn't a Spuffy pairing either so.... (It's Spike/OC). _

_I hope that you enjoyed my story and that you have a great day! Thanks for reading! _


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